英语小笑话_英语小笑话(很短的)小学生
1.最简单的英语冷笑话精选？
2.英语小笑话，越短越好，带翻译
3.英语搞笑笑话8篇
4.超简短的英语笑话段子
5.童真童趣英语幽默笑话
6.英语幽默笑话长篇故事
英语小笑话小学
笑话会给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点，那大家知道有哪些笑话呢？本文是我为大家收集整理的英语小笑话小学，欢迎参考借鉴。
英语小笑话小学一
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go Slow" .
老师：汤姆，你为什么每天上学迟到？
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着：“学校——慢行”。
英语小笑话小学二
A man goes to church and starts talking to God.
He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", than the man says: "God, can I he a penny?" and God says "In a second" .
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话。他问："主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答："一便士"，男子又问："那一百万年呢?"上帝说："一秒钟"，最后男子请求道："上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答："过一秒钟"。
英语小笑话小学三
Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.
When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”
“Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I he tried them all.”
妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的'火柴。
汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？”
“是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。”
英语小笑话小学四
Father: Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.
Susie: That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!
父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。
苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。
;最简单的英语冷笑话精选？
英语笑话（一）
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can he fleas, but a flea can't he monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。
英语笑话（二）
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
英语笑话（三）
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter ge her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”
英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I he lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must he been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧
-- 服务员，
这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。
英语笑话（六）The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to he a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
英语笑话（七）Advice for "Kid"
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."
忠告“年轻者”
这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，
千万别进退休社区。因为那里都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”
英语笑话（八）Which woman?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
哪一位女人？
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”
我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？”
英语笑话（九）The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
医生住在楼下
“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。
“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”
他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”
英语笑话（十）One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We he lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we he left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩一个引擎
一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦 ？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”
回答者：lovemydream - 高级经理 七级 7-5 10:08
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其他回答共 2 条
Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin
g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his sings?"
逻辑推理
小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？” 一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？”
[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。
He You Ceased Beating Your Wife？你停止打你老婆了吗?
This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeored to terrorize his opponent‘s witnesses．
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations．
“I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel．“There is no need for you to argue the point！”
“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no，’”mildly responded the witness．
“There are not！” sned the lawyer．
“Oh，” said the witness，“answer this then：“He you ceased beating your wife？”
这个故事讲的是一个咄咄逼人的辩护律师，他惯于尽量去恐吓对方的证人。
有一个证人有点倾向于在回答问题之前做冗长的解释。
“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辩护律师怒喝道： “你没有必要就这个问题进行争论。”
“可是有些问题无法用‘是’或者‘不是’来回答。”这位证人温和地回敬他。
“不存在这样的问题！”律师厉声打断他。
“噢，”证人说：“那么请你回答这个问题：“你停止打你老婆了吗？”
Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
鱼网
"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。
"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。
昨天夜里我爸妈表演“混合双打”
Teacher of Physical Education: He you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？
体育老师：孩子们，你们见过男女混合双打吗？
Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.
尼克：见过，老师，经常见。就在昨天夜里我还见过呢！
Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.
老师：那你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧。
Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.”
尼克：啊，对不起，老师。我爸爸常说:“家丑不可外扬。”(
抄的..
英语小笑话，越短越好，带翻译
笑话一般指短小、滑稽的故事,是一种民间口头创作形式,在民间文化中以口口相传的形式传播。我整理了最简单的英语冷笑话，欢迎阅读!
最简单的英语冷笑话：Ventriloquist
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a *** all town. He's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says,
"OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person's physical attributes he to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my munity, of reaching my full potential as a person...
because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little *** er on your knee!"
最简单的英语冷笑话：There Is No Fish There
One cold Winter day, a blonde decides she wants to take up ice fishing. When she gets to the pond, she begins to cut a hole in the ice. As she does, she hears a voice. "There's no fish there...".
Puzzled, the blonde picks up her stuff and cuts another hole a few feet away. Again, she hears the voice. "There's no fish there..."
The blonde is confused, but still determined. About 10 feet away, she begins to cut another ice hole. "There's no fish there...", she hears.
She immediately turns her head to the sky and says, "Is that you, God?"
"NO! IT'S THE MANER OF THE ICE-SKATING RINK! THERE'S NO FISH THERE!"
最简单的英语冷笑话：Indecent Exposure
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts. A nearby policeman roaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" "Why, officer?" asks the blonde. "Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed." "Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus!"
最简单的英语冷笑话：Because I'm Blonde?
A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other
kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.
"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy,"
she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids
could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy,"
she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the
other girls had flat chests, but I he these!" And she lifted her tank
top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No Honey, it's because you're 24."
最简单的英语冷笑话：Guessing Game
Two blondes are walking down a road, one has a large sports bag.
1st blonde: "What he you got in that bag?"
2nd blonde: "Chickens."
1st blonde: "If I can guess how many chickens you've got in that bag, can I he one of them?"
2nd blonde: "If you can guess how many chickens I've got in this bag, you can he BOTH of them!!"
1st blonde: "Well, I think you've got three."
英语搞笑笑话8篇
1、Goldfish金鱼
Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
Stan: In the bathroom 。
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
Stan: Blindfold（蒙眼睛）them!
斯丹：我赢了 92 条金鱼。
弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们？
斯丹：浴室。
弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办？
斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛！
2、 The Revenge 欺骗的代价
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With alow voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmerJones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson:"But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jonesonce cheated me in a horse deal!"
老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。” 妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。” 约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。” 妻子：“为什么？” 约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。”
3、I think that I'm a chicken 我想我是一只鸡
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
医师：你哪里不舒服？
病人：我认为我是一只鸡。
医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？
病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。
4、How do I get the gum out我怎么把口香糖取出来
Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keeptheir ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed upto her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum outfrom my ears?"
当空中**给乘客们发口香糖的时候，她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，一位乘客跑到这位空中**面前，说道：“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢？”
5、 Where Am I 我在哪儿
An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw afarmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer,"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmerlooked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir."
一个英国人在乡下开车时迷了路，他看见一个农民正在附近的地里干活。于是他就把车开过去问那位农民：“劳驾，您能告诉我我现在这是在哪儿吗？” “可以。”农夫奇怪地看了看他，然后说道：“你现在在你的车子里，先生。”
6、Chiefis at the wedding 长官在婚礼上
A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.
"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," sned the officer."I'm going to put you injail until the chief gets back."
"But ,officer, I …."
"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"
A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Youare lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a goodmood when he gets back."
"Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm thegroom."
大街上的一个超速驾驶者被警察拦住了。“但是警官”这个人说道，“我可以解释的”。“保持安静”，警察突然说道。“我将把你送往监狱，直到长官回来。“但是，警察，我，，，”。“我说过了保持安静，你要到监狱了。”几小时后，警察向监狱里看了看说道“算你运气好，因为我们的长官正在他女儿的婚礼上。他将带着一个愉快的心情回来的。” “你确定”在牢房里的这个人说道。“我就是新郎呀”。
7、Who Is the Laziest 谁最懒
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you aquestion. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing andwriting, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒？汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。父亲：啊，不对，你知道！想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课？汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。
8、TwoBirds 两只鸟
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now whocan tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside theswallow.
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老师：请说说看。学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
超简短的英语笑话段子
下面是我整理的英语搞笑笑话8篇，欢迎大家阅读!
英语搞笑笑话：Imitation 模仿
A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea, said his mother. Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it.
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
That's because it's empty, said his bright son. You'd be all right if you had something in it.
一个男孩放学回家时，觉得肚子痛。来，坐下，吃点点心，妈妈说，你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。吃点东西就会好的。
一会儿，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，说是头痛。
你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的，他那聪明的儿子说，里面装点东西，就会好的。
英语搞笑笑话： Fried chicken
In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?"
Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir."
老师在课堂上向学生们展示了各种各样的鸟的照片。然后他问其中一名学生，?杰克，你最喜欢哪种鸟儿啊?
杰克想了想，回答，?炸鸡，老师。?
英语搞笑笑话：I've Just Bitten My Tongue
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
英语搞笑笑话：我刚咬破自己的舌头
?我们有毒吗?一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
?是的，亲爱的，?她回答说，?你问这个干什么?
?因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。?
How much English can you speak?
"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to
be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his
way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
"法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。
而且，他只会说几个 英语单词 。"
法官看了看被告，问道："你会说多少英文?"
被告抬起头，说："把你的钱包给我!"
英语搞笑笑话：He Won 他赢了
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that hen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗?
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿?
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
英语搞笑笑话：Three pastors 三个牧师
Three pastors in the south were hing lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I?ve been hing trouble with bats in my loft(阁楼) and attic at church. I?ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.
Another said, Yes, me too. I?ve got hundreds living in my belfry(钟楼) and in the attic. I?ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won?t go away.
The third said, I baptized(洗礼) all mine, and made them members of the church...hen?t seen one back since!
三个南部的牧师在一家小餐馆里吃午饭。其中的一个说道：?你们知道吗，自从夏天来临，我的教堂的阁楼和顶楼就被蝙蝠骚扰，我用尽了一切办法----噪音、喷雾、猫----似乎什么都不能把它们赶走。?
另外一位说：?是啊，我也是。在我的钟楼和阁楼也有好几百只。我曾经请人把整个地方用烟熏消毒一遍，它们还是赶不走。?
第三个牧师说：?我为我那里的所有蝙蝠洗礼，让它们成为教会的一员......从此一只也没有再回来过。?
英语搞笑笑话：Excited Remarks 激动的话
Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals(长声尖叫) of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I'm going to he one of those someday, his dad's response always was Not as long as I'm alive.
One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I'm getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.
我五岁的儿子对摩托车有强烈的 爱好 。只要看见一辆摩托车，他就会高兴得哇哇直叫，并激动地说：瞧这辆!瞧这辆，我总有一天也要有一辆。他爸爸的回答老是只要我活着，你就别想有这玩艺儿。
一天我们的儿子跟他的小朋友在说话，有一辆摩托车开了过去。他兴奋的指着摩托车叫道瞧这辆!瞧这辆!等我爸一死我就要有这样一辆摩托车了。
英语搞笑笑话：Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
Here is the situation, she said. A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.
His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?
A girl raised her hand and asked, to draw out all of his sings?
小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。
他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会 游泳 ，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么? 一个女生举手答道，是不是去取他的存款?
童真童趣英语幽默笑话
超简短的英语笑话段子
超简短的英语笑话段子：What has a head, a tail, and no body?A coin!
超简短的英语笑话段子(一)
顾客：小心，你的大拇指在我汤里了!
服务员：别担心，先生，不是很烫!
Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!
一个服务员给顾客拿来了牛排，大拇指在牛肉上。
?你疯了吗?顾客喊到，?你的手在我的牛排上!?
?什么?服务员说，?你想让它再掉地上?
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on my steak?"
"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"
服务员：茶或咖啡?先生。
第一个顾客：我要茶
第二个顾客：我也是茶?杯子要干净的!
服务员：两杯茶，哪个要干净的杯子?
Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"
1st customer: "I'll he tea."
2nd customer: "Me, too - and be sure the glass is clean!"
(Waiter exits, returns)
Waiter: "Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?"
服务员，这只苍蝇在我汤里干什么?
看起来象是在仰泳，先生?
Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
Um, looks to me to be backstroke, sir...
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇!
别担心，先生，面包里的蜘蛛会干掉它。
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Don't worry sir, the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.
服务员，我汤里有只苍蝇!
不是，先生，那是蟑螂，苍蝇在你牛排里。
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
No sir, that's a cockroach, the fly is on your steak.
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇!
别让别人看见，先生，要不别人都要。
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Keep it down sir, or they'll all be wanting one.
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇!
我知道，先生，我们没有另收钱。
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Its OK, Sir, there's no extra charge!
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇!
对不起，先生，我弄走那三个时忘了这个。
Waiter, there is a fly in my soup!
Sorry sir, maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three.
服务员，汤里有只死苍蝇!
是的，先生，是开水杀死了它们。
Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup!
Yes sir, it's the hot water that kills them.
服务员，汤里有只死苍蝇!
1美元你想要什么?活的.?
aiter, there's a dead fly in my soup!
What do you expect for $1 - a live one?
服务员，汤里有只蜜蜂!
是的，先生，今天苍蝇放。
Waiter, waiter, there's a bee in my soup.
Yes Sir, it's the fly's day off.
服务员，来杯咖啡，不加奶油。
对不起，先生，奶油没了，不加奶怎么样?
Waiter, I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.
I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?
服务员，你的领带在我的汤里了。
没关系，先生，它不缩水。
Waiter, your tie is in my soup!
That's all right, sir, it's not shrinkable.
超简短的英语笑话段子(二)Wife: "How would you describe me?"
妻子：你会怎么形容我呢?
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
丈夫：ABCDEFGHIJK.
Wife: "What does that mean?"
妻子：那是什么意思?
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
丈夫：迷人的、魅力的、可爱的、令人愉悦的、优雅的、时髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
妻子：哇，谢谢，但是?IJK?是什么意思呢?
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
丈夫：开个玩笑!
超简短的英语笑话段子(三)Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.
老师：谁能回到我下一个问题，谁就可以回家了。
One boy throws his bag out the window.
一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。
Teacher: who just threw that?!
老师：谁刚刚把书包扔出去了?
Boy: Me! I?m going home now.
男孩：我!我现在要回家了。
;英语幽默笑话长篇故事
童真童趣英语幽默笑话大全
1. Tommy: "How is your little brother, Johnny?"
汤米：“约翰，你的弟弟好吗？”
Johnny: "He is ill in bed. He hurt himself."
约翰尼：“他生病卧床了，他伤着了自己。”
Tommy: "That's too bad. How did that hen?"
汤米：“太糟了。是怎么回事？”
Johnny: "We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won."
约翰尼：’我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，结果他赢了。”
2. Son: "Dad, is French hard to learn?"
儿子：“爸爸，法语难学吗？”
Father: "My boy, at the beginning it is, but after that, it becomes easy."
父亲：“我的孩子，开头难，但往后就变得容易了。”
Son: "That's great! I'll learn the latter half."
儿子：“太棒了！那我就学后半部分。”
3. A little boy lost his way and went to ask the policeman by the road.
一个小孩迷了路，就去问路边的警察。
The policeman asked, "Sonny, where's your home?"
警察问：“小家伙，你的家在哪里？”
The boy replied, "My mother teaches me to ask the policeman when I lose my way, but she doesn't tell me where I live."
男孩回答说：“妈妈教我迷路时，就去问警察，但她没有告诉我住在哪里。”
4. The mother asked her little son, "Tom, if the car is made of cholocate, which part will you eat first?
一母亲问小儿子：“汤姆，如果汽车是用巧克力做的，你先吃哪部分？”
Tom replied quickly, "Wheels! Then the car won't be off."
汤姆飞快地答道：“轮子！这样汽车就开不走了。”
5. A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach.
一个男孩放学回家时，感到肚子疼。
"Well, sit down and he some snacks," said his mother. "Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it."
“来，坐下，吃些点心，”他的.妈妈说。“你肚子疼，是因为肚子空了。你吃了东西，就没事了。”
Shortly afterwards, dad came in from work, complaining of a headche. "That's because it's empty," said his son. "You'll be all right if you he something in it."
过了一会儿，男孩的爸爸下班回来，抱怨说自己头疼。“你头疼，是因为脑袋空了，”他的儿子说，“脑袋里装点东西，就没事了。”
;笑话第一篇（这篇若外国人看了一定会笑） Adam and Joseph were talking about their families. Adam said,"My grandfather was a very good conductor before he died" "Was he a musician?" joseph asked. "No,"said Adam,"he was struck by lightning." 亚当和约瑟正在谈及他们的家人。 亚当说：「我祖父在他死前是一个很好的conductor(conductor可作指挥，或导电体解） 约瑟问：「他是不是一个音乐家？」 亚当说：「不是，他是被雷电击中」 第二个笑话 The Bishop spoke to the congregation about the shortage of priests and nuns. "Too many of you are only hing one child and letting them go off into other professions. I propose that each family should he three children: one for the father, one for mother and one for the church." A few days later, the bishop was out shopping when he saw a pregnant woman from his parish. But before he could say hello, she shouted above the crowd,"This one is yours, Bishop!" 有一个主教对他的会众说及，神父和修女的短缺。 他说：「你们当中太多人只生一个孩子，并让他们从事其他行业。我建议每个家庭应有三个孩子，一个为著爸爸，一个为著妈妈，一个为著教会。」 几天后，主教外出购物，并看到一个他教区的孕妇，在他向她问安之先，她当众大声地说：「主教，这个孩子是你的！」 ...................................................................... 1) A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very *** all. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible. The little girl said, *When I get to heen I will ask Jonah*. The teacher asked, *What if Jonah went to hell?* The little girl replied, *Then you ask him!* 2) A student es to a young professor*s office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly.*I would do anything to pass this exam, * she says.She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. *I mean,* she whispers, *I would do anything... *He returns her gaze, *Anything?**Anything.*His voice softens, *Anything?**Anything,* she repeats again. His voice turns to a whisper. *Would you ... study?* 你可以读的慢一点 Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for o cents. "What did you do with the money I ge you yesterday?" "I ge it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are o cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " Notes: (1) inform v.告诉 (2) nest n.窝；巢 (3) description n.描述 (4) encourage v.鼓励 (5) resemble v. 相似；类似 鸟窝与头发 我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。 “是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。 “我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。 “那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。 “哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。” I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " Notes: (1) poisonous adj.有毒的 (2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。 我刚咬破自己的舌头 “我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。 “是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？” “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。” A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the *** ooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her posure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always he beautiful women failing at your feet?" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？” 英语笑话（一） Q: What's the difference beeen a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can he fleas, but a flea can't he monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。 英语笑话（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。 英语笑话（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter ge her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有。 这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。” 英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I he lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” 英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must he been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 给我那个打赢的吧 -- 服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。 -- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。 -- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。 英语笑话（六）The mean man's party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to he a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not ing empty-hangded, are you?" 吝啬鬼请客 一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。” “为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？” “你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。 On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?" To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf 在一个乡村路上，一警察让这个农民靠边停车，说：“先生，你意识到你的妻子在几公里前从车上掉下去了吗？”农民回答说：“感谢上帝，我还以为我聋了呢！” Boxing and Running Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight." Friend: "But suppose he es up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box." Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too." 拳击和赛跑 丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。他告诉他的朋友：“这是一个粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。” 朋友： “如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办？” 丹：“我也会教他怎么样赛跑呢。” Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What hened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I’d know him anywhere," said Ivan. "I he his ear in my pocket." 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问,"发生了什么事？“ ”一个男孩咬了我一口，“伊凡说。 ”再见到他时你能认出来吗?"妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里呢。” Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand? Matthew: Very Cold, sir. Teacher: Wrong. Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen! 老师：马修，新西兰的气候怎么样？ 马修：先生，那里的天气很冷。 老师：错了。 马修：可是，先生！从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。 1.When Was Rome Built? 罗马是什么时候建成的？ Teacher: When was Rome built? Tom: At night. Teacher: Who told you that? Tom: You did. You said Rome wasn't built in a day. 老师：罗马是什么时候建成的？ 汤姆：在夜里建成的。 老师：谁告诉你的？ 汤姆：是您啊。您说过罗马不是在一个白天建成的。 2.He Knows the Answer 他知道答案 Teacher: Can you tell me anything about the great scientists of the 18th century? Pupil: Yes, sir, I can. They are all dead. 教师：你能告诉我一些有关十八世纪的伟大科学家的事情吗？ 学生：我能，先生。他们都死了。 3.Where do babies e from? 小孩从哪里来？ I asked my father where babies e from. He says you download them from the Inter. 我问爸爸小孩是从哪里来的，他说是从网上下载的。 4.An Essential Correction 实质性的纠正 Teacher: Walter, why don’t you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning. Walter: What was it? Teacher: Eggs. Walter: Wrong, teacher. That was yesterday. 老 师：沃尔特，你为什么不洗脸?我看得出你今天早饭吃了什么。 沃尔特：我吃了什么？ 老 师：鸡蛋。 沃尔特：错了，老师。那是昨天吃的。 5. I Don’t Feel Like Getting into an Argument 我不想争论 “Gerald,” asked the teacher, “what is the shape of the earth?” “It's round,” answered Gerald. “How do you know it's round?” continued the teacher. “All right, it’s square then,” he replied, “ I really don't feel like getting into an argument about it!” “杰拉尔德，”老师说，“地球是什么形状的？” “是圆形的，”杰拉尔德回答。 “你怎么知道是圆的？”老师继续问。 “好，那就是方的吧，”他回答说。“我真的不想和您争论这件事！” 6.Three Reasons 三个理由 Teacher: Bob, give me three reasons why you know the Earth to be round. Bob: Mum says so, Dad says so, and you say so! 老师：鲍勃，说出三条理由来证实地球是圆的。 鲍勃：妈妈是这么说的，爸爸是这么说的，您也是这么说的！ 7.Who Should be Given the Present? 礼物该给谁？ A father of five came home with a toy, summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present, “Who is the most obedient, never talks back to mother and does everything he or she is told?” he inquired. There was silence and then a chorus of voices: “You play with it, Daddy!” 一个有五个孩子的父亲带着一件玩具回到家里，把孩子们召集来问这件礼物应该给谁。“谁最听话，从不和妈妈顶嘴，让干什么就干什么？”他问道。 大家都不吭声。过了一会儿，孩子们异口同声地说：“爸爸，您玩儿吧。” 8.Big Head 大脑袋 “All the kids make fun of me,” The boy cried to his mother. “They say I he a big head.” “Don't listen to them,” his mother consoled. “You he a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes.” “Where's the shopping bag?” “I hen't got one, use your hat.” “所有的孩子都拿我取乐，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。” “别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说。“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了, 去到店里买10磅土豆来。” “兜子在哪儿呢？” “我没有兜子——就用你的帽子吧。” 有一个外国人来到中国。一天，他路过K F C（肯德基），看见里面的客人在吃像血一样的东西，他就问：“那是什么？”服务员说：“那是番茄酱。”外国人想：原来中国人的血叫做 番茄酱。 他又路过一家鸡腿店，看见里面的客人在吃像腿一样的东西，他问：“那是什么？”服务员说：“那是鸡腿。”外国人想：原来中国人的腿叫 鸡腿。 他又路过一家文具店，看见里面有一个大得像汽车一样的橡皮擦，他问：“那是什么？”老板说：“那是橡皮擦。”外国人想：原来中国人的汽车叫 橡皮擦。 他又路过一家酒店，看见一个男的正和一个女的吵架。男的说：“ *** ！”女的说：“你娘的！”外国人想：原来中国人男的叫 你娘的；女的叫 *** 。 后来，他看见了一场。一个男的车撞到了一个女的车，那个被撞的女的脚上海流血了。他就这样打电话给警察： “在xx街的路口上，一个 你娘的汽车撞了一个 *** 。那个被撞的 *** 鸡腿上流了好多番茄酱......”
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